If I’m honest, the last 12 months have changed me more than I expected. Not in the way most people talk about “growth”, but more in a ‘the way a storm breaks a tree, but somehow the roots dig deeper, and the branches come back stronger’ kind of way. The trials haven’t been any bigger, the tribulations no worse, or better, but I can safely say I have had the strongest, most emotionally stable year of my life. And I think it’s because I have genuinely come to understand these three things I’m about to discuss in this blog over the last year.
So here it goes, the 3 things I’ve come to truly understand this year.
1. Care is not a feeling. It’s an action.
Man, I used to be bad at empathy. I thought I was a caring person, and in some ways, I was. But I never truly understood what real care looked like. I’ve always been a bit of a “you’re either with me or against me” kind of guy. And sure, there’s still a bit of that in me… but I’ve come to see how flawed that mindset really is.
Somewhere in the last 12 months, through parenting, coaching, running a gym, and doing life with so many different people, I stopped thinking about how I was being treated and started paying attention to how I was treating others.
I shared this in a podcast with Ari recently. Like most of us, I used to get frustrated at drivers who cut me off. But now… I find myself asking what’s going on in their world that they had to rush? Maybe they’re scared. Maybe they’re late to something that matters. Maybe they just are self-centred dickheads? And if I can be the one to absorb that hit, to let them go without judgment… then I’ve done something good.
This way of thinking now comes from a place of service, a real understanding of what it means to have a purpose beyond yourself, to be alive to make other people’s lives better.
This thought process has truly helped me grasp what Jesus meant when He washed the feet of His disciples. He didn’t do it because they deserved it. He did it because He could. And in that moment, He said, “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” (John 13:14–15).
Not out of duty. But out of love, humility, and presence. That’s the kind of care I’m trying to live out now. I, too, would rather leave the room knowing I served than be remembered for demanding to be served.
2. Love your enemy… not because they deserve it, but because you’ll grow from it.
This one’s hard to swallow. But it’s real. And believe me, if I can do this, you can too!
We all get betrayed. Talked about behind our backs. Let down. Hurt by people who should’ve had our backs. But what I’ve come to see is this:
You don’t have to like those who betray you.
You definitely don’t have to trust them again.
But if you can love them, even from a distance, you can take back your power.
As the old saying goes, “The same water that hardens the egg softens the potato.” You get to choose what your circumstances make of you.
Maybe that betrayal was unfair. Maybe it broke you.
But maybe, just maybe, it also built you.
Like Rascal Flatts sings, “God bless the broken road.” Because without it, you wouldn’t be who you are today.
Sorry to make this biblical again, and I’ll try to balance it out with some other ancient sources as examples, but here’s a truth I can’t ignore…
If it wasn’t for Judas’ betrayal, the resurrection wouldn’t have gone ahead.
Think about that.
For the most significant historical event in the world’s most followed religion to happen, someone had to be the bad guy. Someone had to take the role of betrayer. Without Judas, there is no crucifixion. And without the crucifixion, there is no resurrection.
What’s even more mind-bending is what’s found in the Gospel of Judas, a Gnostic text discovered in the 1970s and only made public a few decades ago. In that version of the story, Judas isn’t the villain, he is actually the disciple who understood Jesus’ mission better than the rest. He wasn’t betraying Jesus out of greed or malice… he was fulfilling the role Jesus asked him to play.
As Jesus reportedly says to him in that gospel:
“You will exceed all of them. For you will sacrifice the man that clothes me.”
The theme repeats across ancient stories time and again…
- Prometheus “betrays” the gods to bring fire to mankind.
- Loki disrupts the heavens, triggering Ragnarök, not as pure evil, but as a force of transformation.
- Even Brutus, in Roman history, betrays Caesar, not for personal gain, but (arguably) to bring about political change.
Sometimes the villain isn’t the villain.
Sometimes they’re just the one willing to play the hardest part in a story that needs to unfold.
And from these events comes the rebirth that may never have happened if there was not a betrayal, an enemy or a snake in the grass.
Your enemy, as mine, and the enemy/challenger in any war, has a chance to make or break you. And if you appreciate that enemy, accept their challenge, train yourself and work to beat them, and then truly reflect on what they have done for you, it may just be the most bittersweet accomplishment of your life.
As I am always remind myself on my calls with Dan Williams, our business mentor, or apparently Winston Churchill said it first, ‘never let a good crisis go to waste.’ Thank your enemy, love them, because they may have just caused you to become the hero you were supposed to be.
3. Ask God for wisdom, not strength.
I’m sorry, I can’t stop. It seems that I can only discuss things in biblical terms these days. But this one hit me like a brick to the chest.
For a long time, I prayed for strength. “Make me tougher. Give me resilience. Help me fight this. Give me the strength to deal with this person, that person. That thing and that…” and then I wondered why life was always so difficult. The answer is that to get stronger, you must be beaten down, broken, and then rebuilt, just like a muscle, torn and then repaired.
But then I read the passage in 1 Kings about Solomon. When God asked him what he wanted, Solomon didn’t ask for riches or strength. He asked for wisdom. And you know what he got. Riches. Solomon was gifted, instead of the trials to make him stronger, he was gifted the wisdom to make himself wiser.
And wisdom? Wisdom is the ability to navigate life, not just muscle your way through it. Not to be beaten up to grow stronger. But the ability to avoid those punches altogether.
You won’t always understand why things happen. People will still be broken. Life will still feel unfair at times. But if you can act with wisdom and own the things you can control, you will come out on top regardless of the outcome.
The adage says, ‘be careful what you wish for’ and man can I attest to that. However, it’s also worth remembering. You’re not owed anything. Life isn’t about what you deserve, it’s about the actions you choose in the moment, the decisions you make when no one’s watching, and the way you show up when things are stacked against you.
I used to think strength was the goal. That if I were strong enough, I could push through anything.
But wisdom? Wisdom shows you where to step so you don’t fall in the first place.
It’s not about being unbreakable, it’s about moving with purpose so you don’t break at all.
So, if you’re going to ask God for something, ask for that.
Ask for the wisdom to see the right thing… and the courage to do it.
Because that’s what builds a life you can be proud of.
Bonus Though… Act now. Don’t wait for the perfect moment.
One day, I was in class, and we were having a conversation about ‘what would happen if you had this idea to do something and you just did it’. This conversation wasn’t about big things like going travelling, or jumping off a platform, it was about business, about checking emails, sending messages, and just doing ‘the thing’ in the moment that might move the needle. Basically, if your gut tells you to send the message, smile at the stranger, ask how someone is really doing, do it.
I’m not saying follow every impulsive thought, you’re not a maniac, or at least don’t be one. But if it’s something kind, generous, or maybe takes a little bit of courage, but could make someone’s day? Don’t delay!
Because if you wait for the perfect moment… it may never come.
In fact, you might miss the calling of the Muse altogether.
Elizabeth Gilbert calls it this. The ‘missing the calling of the Muse’ in her book Big Magic, expanding on the idea that ideas don’t wait around, and if you wait for the perfect moment… it may never come. But that waiting for the “perfect moment” is fear in disguise, dressed up as logic or caution. But really, it’s just resistance keeping you from doing the thing you’re meant to do.
So, I hope the lessons I’ve learned over the last 12 months resonate with you.
That care isn’t just a feeling… It’s an action.
That we really can love our enemies… not for their sake, but for who it helps us become.
And perhaps we should stop asking for strength and start asking for wisdom instead.
Because when you start to see things through a different lens, one that shakes up how you live, how you lead, and how you treat others, everything changes.
Most of the time, no one will clap for you. No one will even notice. But you’ll know.
You’ll know you stood for something.
That you kept your eyes on what mattered.
That you moved with purpose, not impulse.
With wisdom, not ego.
And that’s what can make us all one of the Extraordinary Few.