I’m sorry but this next statement is going to be the most real thing you have ever read, and you might not like it! Everybody’s mental health takes a nosedive when life doesn’t go as planned. Maybe you didn’t get the promotion you thought you deserved, or the relationship you invested in fell apart, your car broke down or your kids keep crying while you just want to sit and watch a movie. When what your wants aren’t matching what you get, frustration, disappointment, and even despair creep in. Life just seems to feel unfair.
But what if the root cause of this mental anguish isn’t just the adversity itself? What if it’s our response to it?
To understand this, we need to go way back—to one of the most fundamental principles ever written: the commandment of the Old Testament, specific the first one “Thou shalt not covet.” At its core, this isn’t just about envy or jealousy; it’s a caution against the very act of wanting what isn’t yours. Why? Because when you fixate on what you don’t have, you disconnect from the life you do have. Call it divine wisdom or timeless psychology, the result is the same. That longing pulls you out of the present moment and away from a sense of peace, leaving you feeling trapped in your own version of hell on earth.
Think about it. Every time you’ve caught yourself saying, “I deserved that,” or “Why didn’t I get what I wanted?” … were you at peace? Were you living in a state of gratitude, contentment, or joy? Or were you stewing in resentment and bitterness? This isn’t to say that having goals or aspirations is wrong. It’s not. But the key lies in your approach.
The Solution to this predicament is Gratitude, Patience, and Deservingness. If you want to know how to protect your mental health when life throws adversity your way? Here’s the formula I have come up with:
1. Be Grateful for What You Have
Gratitude shifts your focus from lack to abundance. Instead of obsessing over what’s missing, start by appreciating what’s already in your life. Take inventory: your health, relationships, opportunities, and even the challenges that make you stronger. Gratitude isn’t just a nice idea—it’s a proven tool for mental resilience. It grounds you in the present and reminds you that even in adversity, there’s something to cherish. And if the adversity is because of something you have learnt, their it is, the lesson you didn’t know you needed, and the lesson you didn’t want, but the lesson you got anyway.
2. Keep Your Eyes on the Goal—But Be Patient
Adversity often feels unbearable because we’re in a rush (I really want to you to think about this for amoment). Is the problem that you want results right now? Because im telling you this, impatience leads to frustration, and frustration fuels mental exhaustion. Instead, you must adopt a long-game mindset. Trust the process and know that progress often comes in ways you can’t predict. You wanted it yesterday, but that isn’t how it works, not in the past, not in the future, not ever!
3. Focus on Deserving Instead of Wanting
Here’s a tough pill to swallow: just wanting something doesn’t mean you’re ready for it. Instead of focusing on the desire itself, ask yourself, “Am I deserving of this?” Am I putting in the work, the consistency, and the growth needed to achieve what I want? Have I don’t enough past, present and will I do enough into the future to achieve this thing? Look right back, have you done enough in the past most important of all? When you shift from wanting to deserving, you regain control. And when it comes to mental health control is a powerful antidote to despair.
4. Practice Patience and Keep Moving Forward
Finally, don’t give up on wanting altogether. It’s okay to dream big. But instead of obsessing, practice patience. Sure, you had an adversity. But you must let your actions align with your goals, and trust that the right outcomes will come in their time. Remember, waiting doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means staying the course while letting go of the anxiety about the outcome. It isn’t the end because you aren’t getting what you want. It just isn’t right now!
Closing Thoughts
Here are my thoughts on mental health and what we can do about most things. Adversity is inevitable. But suffering? That’s optional. Epictetus the Stoic Philosopher said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” So, the next time you find yourself spiralling because life didn’t go your way, pause. Reflect on what you’re grateful for. Ask yourself if you’re truly deserving of what you want. And then, even if you think you are deserving, commit to the process with patience and perseverance. This isn’t about settling or lowering your standards. It’s about living with intention instead of expectation. Staying grounded and creating a life that’s not just bearable but extraordinary. Solving your mental health problems by realising your wants are ruining your life, but your actions, what you do once adversity hits and being patient is actually how we live in heaven on earth.