In my 37 years on this beautiful planet, it has become apparent that plenty of people out there would love to and deserve to start becoming unbreakable. Becoming unbreakable is a concept that resonates with so many of us. At the same time, we try to do the supposed simple task of navigating the demands of life, striving for resilience and purpose. The thing that we all must learn, though, It’s not about being untouchable or immune to hardships. That life will not become any less painful if it brings to us its suffering. But becoming unbreakable after many years of research, reading books and living through my own trials and tribulations is about developing an identity so grounded that no setback or challenge can shake us.
To me, this isn’t just some lofty idea! It is the practice of shaping our lives around a few core elements: identity, values, principles, habits, and mindset. Together, these elements form the framework for a resilient and focused life, one that weathers the storms of life.
Through my journey, I’ve seen how these elements form. The starting point is knowing who we are and why we’re here. This sense of identity anchors us, especially when life throws us off course. For me, understanding my purpose has been crucial. From age 15, I vowed to a friend that I would become something greater. Something more significant than just personal success, but impacting the world and people around me. Suppose you haven’t heard me mention it before. In that case, I love Evan Carmichael’s book Built to Serve, where he emphasises that our lives become meaningful when we see ourselves as contributors rather than individuals seeking fulfilment. In my experience, when we have a strong sense of identity, we can keep ourselves grounded, giving us a reason to stand firm, even when the going gets tough.
After Identity, our Values are another part of this foundation. They have the power to guide our actions and decisions, especially in moments when taking shortcuts might seem appealing. I believe a lot of people get this wrong! And at the risk of going onto a considerable tangent here, I’ll say values are not the things you hate about life and words to help hang out your dirty laundry of what you don’t like about the things that have happened to you. Living by our values requires commitment and sometimes even sacrifice, something as powerful as when ‘God so loved the world he gave his only son’ John 3:16, a sense of servitude so elaborate that it is as powerful as giving yourself to the world. That level of service and value has the power to keep us strong. Values must be more than words or ideals; they must become a way of life. In John Maxwell’s High Road Leadership, he talks about the “high road’. The choice to do the right thing, even when no one’s watching. Practically, this means acting with integrity, empathy, and respect, focusing on what’s right over what’s easy or convenient. Through my own life, I’ve found that when I lived without personal values or committed to a certain rule book based on my values—especially in hard times—Navigating those hard times was harder. Once I had worked through the steps and worked out what I truly valued, I felt stronger and could move on through trials like a duck swimming in a pond. They act as my compass, helping me stay on course when I might otherwise be tempted to drift because, as the great stoic Seneca said, ‘if a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favourable’.
Thirdly, come Principles. The frameworks that turn values into actions. While values tell us what’s important, principles show us how to live by them daily. Without a solid framework, even the best intentions can become lost in the busyness of life. In Essentialism, Greg McKeown captures the essence of prioritising what’s truly important by doing “first things first.” It’s about removing distractions, clearing away the noise, and focusing on what moves us closer to our purpose. In my own life, this has meant structuring my time around what matters most: fitness, community, knowledge, personal growth, and my own time. When I filter decisions through these principles, I know that I’m spending my time in a way that reflects my true priorities and potential as a leader. The real challenge isn’t doing more; it’s doing what matters most. And as I’ve learned, this discipline builds resilience and keeps us on track, no matter what life throws our way.
Between Principles and a good Mindset is building the Habits that help you develop your principles into more actionable tasks. One of the best ways to do this is to reverse engineer and use a concept that I can’t remember where I found, but the ‘Do Not Do’s List’. Years ago, I used to try to use a To Dos list and always found it very, very anxiety-inducing. I would sit down, write down everything I wanted to do, and then freak out about how much there was to do. To overcome that, I changed tactics and wrote down the things I didn’t do instead and built a foundation of being able to beat the system. If I was going to workout, I wrote instead, ‘Do not skip a workout’. I found I was more motivated if it was written down as a Do Not Do It. This also comes from the fact that people are generally motivated in four different ways, and each of us is different. When I was 27 and in the middle of a mid, midlife crisis, I went to Jurien Bay with some friends. After a night on the beers, we were having breakfast at a café, and down the road was a Sky Diving office. Clearly, from there, we could go Sky Diving. My friend tried to convince me to go skydiving, but I would budge and did not want to do it. First, he just tried to cheer me on, telling me it would be cool if I went skydiving. This is a positive style of motivation that works in some people, and in some situations, it means doing the thing for the sake of just doing it. Like washing the dishes, some people don’t need real motivation to wash dishes. It is just something you do. Secondly, he tried to motivate me by offering to pay for my ticket. Extrinsic motivation to do the thing. He spends money, and I do the thing. Thirdly, Intrinsic motivation. He sold the idea to me as a dream. How good it would be to fly in the air, touch down on the sand and tell everybody I ‘went sky diving’. None of that worked until he said, ‘I knew you wouldn’t do it! You are a no man!’ Without a word of a lie, I got up, walked to the sky diving office, paid for my own ticket to go sky diving and was in the air within the hour. The moral of the story is that when it comes to habits, it is very important to know what motivates you. Because with that knowledge, you will be able to build a foundation that helps you succeed. Sure, you wash your dishes, but will you exercise more because your membership is expensive? Maybe you want to read more, so tell yourself you will buy a new dress if you read a book in a month. Or you stop breaking promises to yourself every day because somebody has called you out on your bullshit, and you are sick of it. Either way, to build a solid foundation of habits, you need to know what motivates you and put that strategy into play.
And Finally, we get to Mindset. In many ways, this is what brings everything else to life. How we approach setbacks, challenges, and adversity shapes our resilience. Carol Dweck’s concept of a “growth mindset” is fundamental here and very popular in self-development. The idea isn’t just about having a positive attitude; it’s about believing in our capacity to grow, even when faced with failure. For me, this mindset goes hand in hand with the Stockdale Paradox, a principle named after Admiral Jim Stockdale, who endured incredible hardship as a prisoner of war. The paradox involves maintaining faith in the outcome while facing the brutal reality of your current situation. This embodies an unbreakable mindset that balances optimism with realism and holds onto hope without ignoring the present challenges.
In my experience, the unbreakable mindset doesn’t stop at being optimistic or positive; it grows into what I call the Constant Developer mindset, or as the education department calls it, ‘Living the life of a lifelong learner’. It is about consistently assessing, learning, and growing, regardless of success or failure. In becoming unbreakable, do not expect an easier path to navigate. It means having the courage to keep going, adapting, and growing along the way.
Underlying all of this, I have found the power of how we use words. There is a very good reason John 1:1 says, “In the beginning was the Word”, a verse that reminds us of the profound influence our words can have. Words are powerful. They shape our reality, and they reflect the direction we’re heading. While we aren’t as almighty as God and can’t just create light and the heavens and earth from our words, we can create meaning and purpose with the words we choose to control our lives. When we speak about our values, principles, and purpose, we reinforce them, bringing them to life through our commitments and actions. We are telling a story and being able to play out the narrative of our situations our way. Our words matter because they express our beliefs, priorities, and, ultimately, our identity.
To become unbreakable, it is a lifelong journey. It’s about showing up each day with the resolve to live our identity, values, principles, habits and mindset. This doesn’t make life easier; it simply makes us better prepared to face it. Becoming unbreakable isn’t about achieving perfection or invincibility. But more, it’s about finding resilience, growth, and a commitment to making a meaningful impact on our lives and those around us. Each of us has this potential. And when we ground ourselves in what truly matters, we can become not only unbreakable but capable of creating a life of real purpose and enduring strength, knowing who we are, what we believe in and that our actions are what guide us to serve this live as best as we can.