If I\u2019m honest, the last 12 months have changed me more than I expected. Not in the way most people talk about \u201cgrowth\u201d, but more in a \u2018the way a storm breaks a tree, but somehow the roots dig deeper, and the branches come back stronger\u2019 kind of way. The trials haven\u2019t been any bigger, the tribulations no worse, or better, but I can safely say I have had the strongest, most emotionally stable year of my life. And I think it’s because I have genuinely come to understand these three things I\u2019m about to discuss in this blog over the last year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So here it goes, the 3 things I\u2019ve come to truly understand this year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Care is not a feeling. It\u2019s an action.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Man, I used to be bad at empathy. I thought I was a caring person, and in some ways, I was. But I never truly understood what real<\/em> care looked like. I\u2019ve always been a bit of a \u201cyou\u2019re either with me or against me\u201d kind of guy. And sure, there\u2019s still a bit of that in me\u2026 but I\u2019ve come to see how flawed that mindset really is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Somewhere in the last 12 months, through parenting, coaching, running a gym, and doing life with so many different people, I stopped thinking about how I was being treated and started paying attention to how I was treating others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I shared this in a podcast with Ari recently. Like most of us, I used to get frustrated at drivers who cut me off. But now\u2026 I find myself asking what\u2019s going on in their world that they had to rush?<\/em> Maybe they\u2019re scared. Maybe they\u2019re late to something that matters. Maybe they just are self-centred dickheads? And if I can be the one to absorb that hit, to let them go without judgment\u2026 then I\u2019ve done something good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This way of thinking now comes from a place of service, a real understanding of what it means to have a purpose beyond yourself, to be alive to make other people\u2019s lives better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This thought process has truly helped me grasp what Jesus meant when He washed the feet of His disciples. He didn\u2019t do it because they deserved it. He did it because He could<\/em>. And in that moment, He said, \u201cNow that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another\u2019s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.\u201d<\/em> (John 13:14\u201315). <\/p>\n\n\n\n Not out of duty. But out of love, humility, and presence. That\u2019s the kind of care I\u2019m trying to live out now. I, too, would rather leave the room knowing I served<\/em> than be remembered for demanding to be served.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Love your enemy\u2026 not because they deserve it, but because you\u2019ll grow from it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n This one\u2019s hard to swallow. But it\u2019s real. And believe me, if I can do this, you can too!<\/p>\n\n\n\n We all get betrayed. Talked about behind our backs. Let down. Hurt by people who should\u2019ve had our backs. But what I\u2019ve come to see is this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n You don\u2019t have to like those who betray you. As the old saying goes, \u201cThe same water that hardens the egg softens the potato.\u201d<\/em> You get to choose what your circumstances make of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maybe that betrayal was unfair. Maybe it broke you. Like Rascal Flatts sings, \u201cGod bless the broken road.\u201d<\/em> Because without it, you wouldn’t be who you are today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sorry to make this biblical again, and I\u2019ll try to balance it out with some other ancient sources as examples, but here\u2019s a truth I can\u2019t ignore…<\/p>\n\n\n\n If it wasn\u2019t for Judas\u2019 betrayal, the resurrection wouldn\u2019t have gone ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Think about that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For the most significant historical event in the world\u2019s most followed religion to happen, someone had to be the bad guy. Someone had to take the role of betrayer. Without Judas, there is no crucifixion. And without the crucifixion, there is no resurrection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s even more mind-bending is what\u2019s found in the Gospel of Judas, a Gnostic text discovered in the 1970s and only made public a few decades ago. In that version of the story, Judas isn\u2019t the villain, he is actually the disciple who understood Jesus\u2019 mission better than the rest. He wasn\u2019t betraying Jesus out of greed or malice\u2026 he was fulfilling the role Jesus asked him<\/em> to play.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As Jesus reportedly says to him in that gospel: The theme repeats across ancient stories time and again\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes the villain isn\u2019t the villain. And from these events comes the rebirth that may never have happened if there was not a betrayal, an enemy or a snake in the grass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your enemy, as mine, and the enemy\/challenger in any war, has a chance to make or break you. And if you appreciate that enemy, accept their challenge, train yourself and work to beat them, and then truly reflect on what they have done for you, it may just be the most bittersweet accomplishment of your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As I am always remind myself on my calls with Dan Williams, our business mentor, or apparently Winston Churchill said it first, \u2018never let a good crisis go to waste.\u2019 Thank your enemy, love them, because they may have just caused you to become the hero you were supposed to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Ask God for wisdom, not strength.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m sorry, I can\u2019t stop. It seems that I can only discuss things in biblical terms these days. But this one hit me like a brick to the chest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For a long time, I prayed for strength. \u201cMake me tougher. Give me resilience. Help me fight this. Give me the strength to deal with this person, that person. That thing and that\u2026\u201d and then I wondered why life was always so difficult. The answer is that to get stronger, you must be beaten down, broken, and then rebuilt, just like a muscle, torn and then repaired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But then I read the passage in 1 Kings about Solomon. When God asked him what he wanted, Solomon didn\u2019t ask for riches or strength. He asked for wisdom. And you know what he got. Riches. Solomon was gifted, instead of the trials to make him stronger, he was gifted the wisdom to make himself wiser.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And wisdom? Wisdom is the ability to navigate life, not just muscle your way through it. Not to be beaten up to grow stronger. But the ability to avoid those punches altogether.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You won\u2019t always understand why things happen. People will still be broken. Life will still feel unfair at times. But if you can act with wisdom and own the things you can control, you will come out on top regardless of the outcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The adage says, \u2018be careful what you wish for\u2019 and man can I attest to that. However, it\u2019s also worth remembering. You\u2019re not owed anything. Life isn\u2019t about what you deserve, it\u2019s about the actions you choose in the moment, the decisions you make when no one\u2019s watching, and the way you show up when things are stacked against you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I used to think strength was the goal. That if I were strong enough, I could push through anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But wisdom? Wisdom shows you where to step so you don\u2019t fall in the first place. So, if you\u2019re going to ask God for something, ask for that<\/em>. Bonus Though\u2026 Act now. Don\u2019t wait for the perfect moment.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n One day, I was in class, and we were having a conversation about \u2018what would happen if you had this idea to do something and you just did it\u2019. This conversation wasn\u2019t about big things like going travelling, or jumping off a platform, it was about business, about checking emails, sending messages, and just doing \u2018the thing\u2019 in the moment that might move the needle. Basically, if your gut tells you to send the message, smile at the stranger, ask how someone is really doing, do it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m not saying follow every impulsive thought, you\u2019re not a maniac, or at least don\u2019t be one. But if it\u2019s something kind, generous, or maybe takes a little bit of courage, but could make someone\u2019s day? Don\u2019t delay!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because if you wait for the perfect moment\u2026 it may never come. Elizabeth Gilbert calls it this. The \u2018missing the calling of the Muse\u2019 in her book Big Magic, expanding on the idea that ideas don\u2019t wait around, and if you wait for the perfect moment\u2026 it may never come. But that waiting for the \u201cperfect moment\u201d is fear in disguise, dressed up as logic or caution. But really, it\u2019s just resistance keeping you from doing the thing you\u2019re meant to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, I hope the lessons I\u2019ve learned over the last 12 months resonate with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That care isn\u2019t just a feeling\u2026 It\u2019s an action. Because when you start to see things through a different lens, one that shakes up how you live, how you lead, and how you treat others, everything changes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Most of the time, no one will clap for you. No one will even notice. But you\u2019ll<\/em> know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019ll know you stood for something. And that\u2019s what can make us all one of the Extraordinary Few<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If I\u2019m honest, the last 12 months have changed me more than I expected. Not in the way most people talk about \u201cgrowth\u201d, but more in a \u2018the way a storm breaks a tree, but somehow the roots dig deeper, and the branches come back stronger\u2019 kind of way. The trials haven\u2019t been any bigger, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-622","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/622","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=622"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/622\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":623,"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/622\/revisions\/623"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=622"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=622"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vassesc.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=622"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
You definitely don\u2019t have to trust them again.
But if you can love them, even from a distance, you can take back your power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But maybe, just maybe, it also built you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou will exceed all of them. For you will sacrifice the man that clothes me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Sometimes they\u2019re just the one willing to play the hardest part in a story that needs to unfold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s not about being unbreakable, it\u2019s about moving with purpose so you don\u2019t break at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ask for the wisdom to see the right thing\u2026 and the courage to do it.
Because that\u2019s what builds a life you can be proud of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In fact, you might miss the calling of the Muse altogether.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That we really can love our enemies\u2026 not for their sake, but for who it helps us become.
And perhaps we should stop asking for strength and start asking for wisdom<\/em> instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That you kept your eyes on what mattered.
That you moved with purpose, not impulse.
With wisdom, not ego.<\/p>\n\n\n\n